


The great adventures of gabriel the pink fluffy unicorn

by AttemptedNovel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Crack, Fluff, I Tried, M/M, SPN - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, The fluff is too much, Too much fluff, idk - Freeform, may be too fluffy, the fluff that knew too much, this is probably shit, too many brotherly feels, welp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-07-19 11:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7358524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AttemptedNovel/pseuds/AttemptedNovel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is supernatural if it were just fluff and crack and more fluff. So if you like tooth rotting fluff this was the place to come.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. sweet or sour

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if it's terrible. Blame my sweet tooth for fluff and terrible writing.

I am sorry if this incredibly terrible. This is my first try at anything outside the yogscast fandom over a couple of hundred words. Please forgive me. I take no responsibility for anyone who dies by reading this.

|||||||||||||||||||||||

Dean had expected many things when he walked into the bunker. Ever since the archangels had moved in and Charlie had somehow came back to life things had been havoc however this was taking the cake. Or pie. He would not allow sam to even so much as suggest that cake was as good as pie. Not that sam could read his thoughts or anything. However in the slight chance that he had somehow gained the ability he muttered a quick 'sam get out of my head' under his breath.

The first conclusion dean had come to was that he had hit his head badly in a previous hunt. He put a hand on his left arm and pinched mumbling 'wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up...' Over and over again. The scene before him did not change much, the only difference being that cas had decided to poof right in front of him and was now staring at him with one of his curious and concerned looks that made the angel look like he was slightly constipated.

"Dammit cas," dean muttered with a shake of his head. The angel was not helping right now. At castiel's confused look he sighed deeply and gestured in front of him. The gestures didn't seem to help as castiel's brow only furrowed further. "Personal space dude! Personal space," his eyes widened in realisation as I said this and he took a small- no minuscule step back. I mentally face palmed before realising that this was probably the most I was going to get through to him.

"Something is troubling you dean," cas said reaching up to press two fingers to my head. I blocked him and saw a quick flash of hurt cross his face. It was gone with a split second and was replaced by his usual seemingly content emotive constipation face.

"I'm fine cas. Actually scratch that I'm freaked out cas. What is this?" I asked waving my arms around at the scene in front of me. Gabriel was currently blowing raspberry as he scooted across the carpet acting like a Hoover. I knew allowing him to watch YouTube was a bad idea. He had become obsessed with this thing called flufflepuff which he had proclaimed to be his soul mate. There was glitter and shiny confetti everywhere which looked to have come from thin air. It probably had knowing the archangels.

Lucifer was standing in the middle of the room and was dancing to heaven must be missing an angel. The music itself was off putting it seemed to be emitting from no where. However if that didn't freak you out then lucifer dancing would. He was swaying from side to side and pointed to Michael as he rolled he shoulders forwards and backwards in time with the music.

Michael seemed to agree with my sentiment towards his fellow siblings as he had a look of utter dismay on his face. I felt sorry for him but at the same time I was just glad I wasn't the one who had to sit there as the younger archangels materialised the glitter out of thin air. His feathers, which had become visible to me and sam during some freak accident a year or so back, were covered in the stuff. He caught my gaze and mouthed the words 'help me'. I let out a laugh to which the eldest just looked at me disapprovingly.

While all of this was happening Charlie was scrolling through cosplay websites and if she happened to be focused on the slightly more undressed photos of girls in their cosplay then everyone either hadn't noticed or didn't mention anything. I'm glad she wasn't still hung up about what her and Gilda could have been.

Sam was also being of very little use in this situation as he seemed to be ignoring this whole thing altogether. Either he is being very oblivious and God knows he could be at the best of times or he has chosen to ignore it because he has deemed that he can do nothing about it. Why did no one have any sense in this house?

"Mi-Michael," a small voice broke the mayhem as samandriel(Alfie) showed up with a twig in his hands. Michael turned to the younger angel and softened his gaze. Samandriel gave the twig to Michael and the archangel looked at him with an approving smile. "I recovered the 2nd third of the staff of Moses from where Balthazar had hidden it. It took some convincing but I was able to retrieve the weapon," he said a light blush tinting his cheeks. Samandriel had a constant innocent aura around him and seeing him blush was like a kitten falling over and then pretending like nothing had happened. I couldn't help but chuckle.

Samandriel thought back to how he had retrieved the weapon as he handed it to Michael.

////

"Samandriel! Welcome to my humble abode!" Balthazar exclaimed, opening the door and giving me view of the space inside. By definition this was certainly not humble.

The room opened up into a grand foyer with a glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling. "I would have tidied up if I knew I had guests. Such a shame you didn't warn me of your arrival," Balthazar said with a shake of his head before turning towards me. "Now what are you really here for?" He asked putting his hands on his hips and giving me a bemused expression. I had to admit there was a distinct lack of 'sass' as the humans had called it in his demeanour.

I thought back to the question he had asked and my eyes hardened as I followed what I had been ordered. "You will hand over the weapons Balthazar," I told him firmly as I could without my voice shaking. If he wished he could surely over power me as he was with more experience in the battle field than I. I hoped to our father and the viceroy of heaven that had sent me on this path that he did not have knowledge of this power imbalance.

Lost in my thoughts I hadn't noticed my brethren approach me until he right in front of my face looking more than amused with his hands still placed on his hips. "Little angel, what are you going to do about it?" He asked a grin ever present on his face as he raised his eyebrows. I looked around, my eyes darting to find a means of escape. I found myself gazing into soft green blue tinted eyes though as my face was turned by a hand.

He leant down and pressed a kiss to my lips before pulling away as I pushed at his chest. "You will hand over the weapon," my voice was quivering, still unsure about what had happened. He tutted and rolled his eyes.

"God you younger Angels are so stubborn. You could be the next cassy," Balthazar told me mocking castiel's name. Despite what I thought to be reluctance he flew away and appeared seconds later with a third of the staff of Moses.

I reached out for the staff only to have it pulled away. I looked up at him with a look of confusion.

"Tutt, tutt, tutt I'm going to need something in return first. You and me 7 o clock, a night in the romance of France." He said looking towards the chandelier and spreading out his arms to exaggerate his point. "What do you say samandriel?" He asked looking back towards me with a charming smile. I nodded my head and quickly took the weapon as promised.

....

"I think I have cooties," samandriel whispered as he came out of his thoughts. Gabriel burst into laughter and doubled over with a hand to his chest. Lucifer, while not having a reaction as humours as Gabriel's, managed his own snicker at what the younger angel had said.

Michael sent a scolding glare towards the pair before looking back at samandriel. He seemed distant as if in deep thought. Michael sighed a ran a small thread of his grace through the smaller Angels feathers making his feathers puff out as his attention was drawn away from his subconscious. He jumped into action with a new energy running through his veins. His vision was a flash of colours that whirred around. He felt as if he could travel back to the dinosaurs one hundred times over and still be full of energy.

"I think you may have broken him a little bit Michael," lucifer said from beside me his voice barely visible against the White noise in my ears. It slowly faded out while my vision cleared.

"I can assure you that my vessel is perfectly intact lucifer," I told him as he looked up at me from where he had casually sat down on Michaels lap ignoring the others complaint about feathers in his face. My face brightened at the act. The two of my brothers had managed to 'get their head out of their asses' as dean had put it.

"With all that posh speaking you must be doing your castiel impression," a familiar voice said as he entered the room. I turned around and saw Balthazar standing there in a tuxedo (with a v neck may I add) and a rose in hand.

"What are you doing here Balthazar?" Michael asked glancing at the blonde as he approached me. Castiel seemed to be muttering under his breath about irresponsibility while sam and charlie were watching the situation with weary eyes. Dean stood to the side next to castiel his muscles tense as he prepared to reach for a sword.

"Well I think the mood needs to be lightened," Gabriel said as he stretched out his arms and clicked his fingers. And oh father help us all. Gabriel was now lip syncing to my heart will go on as it blares through the house.

Balthazar quickly gripped my arm and next thing I know I'm in Paris in a posh restaurant. "God one more second of that song and I would have attempted fratricide," he muttered shaking his head as if it would help him forget the song. I went wide eyed at his comment before realising that he wasn't serious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Should we go after them?" Sam asked as Balthazar disappeared with samandriel. Michael seemed to be contemplating this thought as he sat up only to be pulled back down onto the couch by lucifer. Michael glared at the other only to have lucifer laugh at his gaze. Michael huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly displeased at the blondes antics.

"Relax Michael. Let them have some fun," lucifer said with a smile. Michael seemed to calm down and relax back into his seat. 'Lucifer was right' he told himself only to contradict this thought by thinking of hundreds of ways that the smaller could get hurt.

"Luci's right. I'm sure they'll have lots of fun," Gabriel said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Dean snorted while lucifer snickered as Michaels face went pale. Castiel merely tilted his head in confusion at the comment. It had probably gone right over his head.

Sam seemed to ignore the comment Gabriel had made and carried on with his research while charlie was most likely so caught up in some online role play that not even the world ending would bring her out her fantasy.

It was only a matter of half a minute before Michael was trying to sit up again to the point that both Gabriel and lucifer had to hold him down. Michael told himself that if he really wanted to he could throw them off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel had pulled dean outside before Michael could comprehend the situation and fight to sit up. He had been wanting to tell his charge for a while now about his 'feelings' as others had worded.

As cas pulled him aside dean looked up at the other waiting to hear why he was here. "Dean," cas started his smooth yet gruff practically vibrating the ground around them.

"What!" The ground shook as Gabriel cried out the words and dean rushed back to the living room with cas not far behind.

When they arrived they saw Gabriel facing charlie with a look of betrayal. "All I'm saying is that I think sour is better than sweet," she continued. This didn't settle Gabriel however as he reeled back and put a hand to his chest, gasping for air. From the couch dean could see sam roll his eyes at Gabriel's antics while lucifer stood watching from the side laughing his face off. This lead to Michaels one millionth scolding glare of the day directed lucifer.

"I don't understand you Gabriel. Sour is way better," charlie continued with a shrug to prove her point. Gabriel gasped once more.

"Sammoose catch me," Gabriel said as he fell backwards a hand to his head. Sam was not ready for this though and Gabriel fell backwards and onto the floor with a thud. Lucifer doubled over, a grin on his face. Even sam managed a snicker at the scene. Michael sighed and put his head on in his hands, clearly giving up on his younger siblings.

Castiel managed a small smile at the scene before turning back to dean to see his reaction. Dean was in a similar state to Michael, already fed up with having the overgrown children in his house.

"Soo, did I win?" Charlie asked peering down at the archangel in the floor holding his head and mumbling about how a wild moose would have been better than sam. At Charlie's words he shot up and immediately grabbed lucifer.

"No! I will win this war. Lucifer you need to march down to hell and beat those demons until they follow your orders. You're on my team. Charlie you can have Michael with the Angels," Gabriel said pacing as he planned a battle in his head. Lucifers eyes lit up at Gabriel suggestion about getting the demons to follow him but this light was snuffed out by Michaels one millionth and one scolding glare. Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest and whined about how Michael never let him do anything fun.

Michael shook his head with a roll of his eyes as lucifer said this before turning to Gabriel. "We are not starting the second apocalypse Gabriel," he said firmly despite the tricksters protests.

"Fine," Gabriel said before walking (translate to swaying) off with a chocolate bar in hand.

"Thank god he's finally left," dean muttered under his breath with relief. He may be allies with everyone now but that didn't mean he had to enjoy their company anymore than he did previously.

"I second that," said a chorus of voices.


	2. All the fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm beggining to think that this may be too fluffy

"Michael," the name was dragged out and lazy, accompanied by a tired sigh. The one who spoke was in a similar state to his speech. Lucifer was sprawled out across the couch with his arms lazily swinging over the side of the couch. He had a look of desperation on his face that was bordering on the lines of frustration. His body language screamed bored and this made Michael regret his life choices deeply.

There was a pause in which silence filled the room up until the cries of fabric were heard as Lucifer slides towards Michael on the couch. "Michael...," he drawled as he sagged in his seat and slid downwards. Michael sighed internally and prepared himself for something that he will most likely regret. With one last look at Lucifer's form slowly falling of the couch his put his face in his and before picking up the blonde and placing the Morningstar beside himself.

"What is wrong Lucifer?" Michael asked as he ran a hand through the others hair like he had done when the younger was a fledgling. 'Those were the good days' Michael though solemnly. It wasn't the apocalypse that had caused this thought. In fact since the Morningstar had repented for his sins Lucifer had acted exactly like he did in heaven. Lucifer could just be so annoying and had always bother Michael more than the other angels. Although the viceroy hadn't admitted it he did take a little pride in the fact that his younger brother's attention was often focused on him even if it was annoying. 

Snapping out of his thoughts Michael could see that Lucifer had slumped against his chest and was now looking at Michael with those beaming curious eyes that had often been an attribute of the others fledgling hood. "Michael I'm bored," Lucifer said as he puffed out his lips into a pout at the elder and gazed up at him with puppy dog eyes. Michael couldn't help but smile at the others antics. Maybe he could bare the others annoyance for just a few hours.

"What do you want to do little Morningstar?" I asked the blonde with an encouraging smile. Lucifer's eyes lit up at the nickname and he immediately began to waffle on about how they could pull of tricks on people and who to do it on. I looked at him skeptically before uttering the words, "Gabriel what have you done to Lucifer," under my breath. Then again the bubbly brunette that happened to be our younger brother had to get his tricks from someone.

"Or we could go see the aroura lights," Lucifer suggested his voice now far smaller than it had been a minute ago. I looked down at him to see him look at me with his thinking expression that seemed to be threaded with a few strands of worry. "You said we could go there when we were younger but then the whole war happened and the fall..." he trailed off and I pulled him further into my lap before wrapping my wings around him. "Point is we never got to go," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest sternly. He seemed to be adamant about going there.

Coming to a decidedly easy decision I nodded my head and grabbed his shoulder before flying to where the event would take place. (I know nothing okay)

/////////

"The end is nigh!" Gabriel screamed as he fell to his knees in the middle of the living room. "The apocalypse is upon us!" he continued, reaching his hands in the hair to exaggerate his point as he yelled at the ceiling.

"Are you going to deal with this?" dean asked as he pointed at the scene in front of him while giving Sam an accusing glare.

"It's not my fault he's like this dean," Sam told the other as he ran a hand through his hair. "Besides I dealt with him last time. It's your turn," Sam pointed out with a smug smile as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"He's your boyfriend," dean told Sam causing the youngers smug smile to immediately fall.

"No he's n-"

"We're all going to die!" Gabriel's screams cut Sam off and before he could say anything else dean was already walking upstairs. Sam huffed and turned to face Gabriel who was now in a praying pose with a look of desperation on his face.

"You have fun with that Sammy," dean called over with a shake of his head and a laugh. Sam grimaced at the scene in front of him and turned back towards dean who was now out of sight. With a huff Sam threw his arms up in the air before walking over to Gabriel.

"What's wrong Gabriel?" Sam asked as calmly as he could, silently hoping it would reflect on the archangel. All his hopes were crushed however when Gabriel fell into his lap and started crying out at him in gibberish. He was pretty sure this wasn't a different language either.

Finally something audible appeared throughout the piles of muffled speech. "We're all going to die!" Gabriel wailed flinging himself onto Sam and wrapping his arms around him.

"It's going to be...okay Gabriel," Sam told him while awkwardly patting his back. The archangel could over react about a lot of things and could probably show more emotion than half the host, Raphael and Michael put together. "Why is it the apocalypse...this time?" he uttered the last bit under his breath hoping the other wouldn't hear. This unfortunately wasn't the case.

"Sam I'm an archangel. Super hearing kinda comes in the gift wrap. I would be slightly mad if we didn't have a crisis right now!" he said the last part in panic and shook my shoulders. "We've run out of candy!" he exclaimed with a look of horror on his face. Why did he always start the apocalypse over candy? I will never understand how deeply his relationship with candy goes.

"Why don't you just 'poof in' some more?" I asked him. He immediately stopped shaking me and looked at me like he had just come across some sort of revelation. Knowing Gabriel he probably had.

"Sam! I knew I could count on you to be logical!" he exclaimed before suddenly many bags of candy appeared in every ounce of space available. Dean was not going to be ha-

"Gabriel!"


	3. Such feels, much fluff...wow

////////

"Notice me Senpai!!!!!!!" Gabriel shouted before crossing his arms and stalking behind dean. "Even though I'm emotionally constipated I wuv you," Gabriel's whispered in deans ear knowing full well that everyone (all the Angels at least) could hear him. It was all part of his act. God- gabriel works in mysterious ways.

"Castiel!" Lucifer shouted before anyone else as he pointed at Gabriel. The angel in question or rather angel in charades (becuase they're playing charades! Ha I'm so funny) turned his head towards lucifer with a questioning look.

"Lucifer, gabriel and I have not swapped vessels and even if this were to occur surely you would be able to tell by the colour of our wings and amount of our wings which one of us was which," as castiel explained this point lucifer was trying to supress his laughter with a hand against his mouth while dean was mentally hitting his head against a brick wall. Less than a minute later lucifer snorted loudly and burst into fits of uncontrolled laughter much to castiel's dismay. The smaller angel did not understand why lucifer was laughing. Michael wacked his younger sibling across the back of his head before gazing at castiel with an apologetic and sympathetic look.

"Mimi!" Lucifer protested as he gripped at his head. This time Michael couldn't stop a small snigger and it was everyone else's turn to burst into laughter. The blondes face contorted with a mixture of embarrassment and frustration before it finally settled into a pout. 

"Sorry for laughing lulu," Michael told the other as he placed a kiss against the youngers head. "I Didn't mean to embarrass my little morning star," the brunette continued as he coddled lucifer and crooned down at him.

"Stop babying me. I'm not a fledgling anymore Michael," lucifer said as he furrowed his brows and twisted his face till he looked much alike an angry child. Michael laughed as he ran his hand though the blondes soft locks. Lucifer let out a groan of frustration and uttered the words 'I hate you' under his breath. Michael pressed his head against the morning stars and whispered the words 'I love you too' into his ear.

"Well aren't you two the cutest couple," gabriel said as he snapped multiple pictures on his phone. The two eldest archangels shared a look before they both stood up in unison. "Umm...I'm sorry?" Gabriel questioned, his voice measly and wavering, before running through the bunker with his brothers in a sprint behind him. 

In his rush gabriel collided with a Wild moose and his lips fell against the others. Forgetting about his older siblings to flirt Gabriel charmingly (we can go with that I guess) said, " well hello there majestic". Sam rolled his eyes at the archangels antics and pushed him off with little difficulty.

"Gabriel...for the last time stop running through the h-

"Come here you little trickster!" Lucifer roared as he drew closer to the sweet eating trickster in question. That same trickster ran in the other direction.

"Sam be my vessel I need to catch Gabriel," lucifer told me as he hauled me off my feet with ease. My head was still spinning from being knocked to the ground and I was left with barely any time to register the previous moments. 

"What the hell have I missed?"


	4. when Lucifer watches too much tv

"Fear not Gabriel I shall find it for you!" Lucifer said now magically wearing armour and on a horse. 

"Lucifer what are yo-" 

"Slave of mine fetch me the finest Apple for my horse," when no one moved lucifer rolled his eyes and yelled, "my horse needs the finest apple Michael,"

"I'm not your slave!"

"Are you questioning my authority?!"

"Lucifer this is highly un-"

"Are you insulting my horse?!"

"Lucifer for fathers sake stop this!"

"Are my wings ruffled though"

"What on earth are you-"

"Wings, feathers, grace, wings, ruffled, they're not ruffled!"

Michael sighed in defeat mentally hit his head against a brick wall. It was going to be a long day. 

"Gabriel I assume this is your doing," Michael stated as he turned towards the younger who look quite sheepish to put it blankly. The messenger shrugged with a smile gracing his lips.

"I may have allowed him to watch a tiny bit of Catherine tate," 

...."sigh"


	5. The road trip

 

  
"Okay so were going on a trip to bobby's, in a car, with 4 archangels and you thought this would be a good idea because?" dean asked as he waved his hands around, gesturing for Sam to elaborate. Sam merely rolled his eyes at the elder's antics

"Sam has expressed to us that being within such confinement should limit any fights which may occur as we enlighten our brother to this new path so to speak" Michael explained solemnly as he thought about the fights which were sure to ensue.

2 hours later

Dean sat in the front seat with his hands gripping tightly at the wheel to the point that his knuckles turned white. His face was stern with his emotions like a distant feather in the wind. His emotions were concealed for now but very soon he felt his temper was going to escape him. The archangels were all sitting in the back seat with Lucifer to the far left of deans back, Michael next to him, Raphael on the far right and Gabriel wedged in between Michael and Raphael as an acting barrier between them. They had been arguing for the last hour about the apocalypse that wasn't and Michael and Raphael soon refined the tension between them as the argument became heated. Dean could deny the pang of pity he felt for Gabriel upon seeing the younger arch sat there awkwardly and fiddling with his fingers.

Considering the argument was focused around Lucifer and the apocalypse the light bringer seemed to be paying very little attention. In fact he didn't seem to be making g conversation or snarky remarks for the first time in millennia. That is until he hissed slightly and glared at the book he had been trying to pry out of Michael's bag. That's when it all began.

"Raphael..." Lucifer drawled out, each syllable rolling of his tongue with an impatient insistence. The healer's eyes snapped towards the other with an expression of thunder. Lucifer reached his arm across Michael and Gabriel as he pushed himself forward.

"Heal my papercut for me," Raphael's eyes hardened at these words and he launched himself at Lucifer ready to throw punches only to be flung back into the side of the impala.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't aggravate him Lucifer," Michael scolded Lucifer, looking down at where he had pulled the other away. Lucifer stuck his forked tongue out at Raphael before turning back to the window.

'This is going to be a long day'

 

 

  
This was it. Dean was going to die by running his car of a cliff to escape the archangels. 

"We could just bring you back!" Gabriel called above the argument that had turned into ear shattering yelling in the back of the car. Shit....As much as he hated the trickster for looking through his head he had a point. There was no escaping.

This was it. Dean was going to loose his mind running his car of a cliff to escape archangels only to inevitably be brought back. Great. Just what dean wanted in his life. 

Crash! Oh great baby's window. Which one was that? Raphael...of course it was. Stay calm dean. Your the only sane being in this car right now. You need to stay level head- crash! Oh there goes another window. Next you hear a thump and another crash. Deans eye twitches and the car screeches to a hault as he slams his foot on the breaks.

"Listen here!" He yelled above the noise causing attention to snap to him. "The next one of you to break a window is getting your ass kicked into next week with a one way ticket to graceless ville, understand?" He asked the archangels staring at him. 

It was then that gabriel reached an arm up and clicked his fingers causing the back window to shatter before deans eyes. Dean tightened his knuckles until they turned white and grit his teeth. As Gabriel let out a snicker he launched himself at the archangel.

"Come here you winged dick!"


	6. Lucifer is dead after this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this is shit we've all established that I can't write supernatural to save my life

'This was what was going to happen,' dean thought with determination, 'we are going to go into the ice-cream parlor and settle down like a normal family eating ice-cream.' dean let out a breath as he shuddered at the thought t of the archangels acting normal for once. He chuckled to himself quietly. 'Like that was ever going to happen,' he though with a shake of his head. It had taken the world nearly ending for Michael and Lucifer to make up in the first place and Michael had apparently not wanted to kill the younger. He had no idea what it would take for Raphael, who wanted to kill Lucifer, to make up with him.

Suddenly a scream ripped its way from the mouth of the nearby blonde and he fell to the ground with a grunt. "Lucifer!" Michael called out as he fell to his knees, hitting the concrete with a thump which was sure to have hurt had he been human. "Lucifer!" he called again when the other did not respond. He shook Lucifer multiple times before his own scream tore its way out of his throat when the morning star still did not respond.

Gabriel stood to the side with a hand over his mouth as Michael threw Lucifer to the ground and began losing control of his grace in an attempt to heal the other. Dean had enough common sense not to step forward in case he was hit.

A broken sob escaped the trickster as he ran to Raphael and began tugging on his sleeve. "Raphael," he pleaded, pulling harder as tears began to make their way down his cheek. The sigh the healer let out could be heard from a mile away as he strode over to the two archangels on the floor a short while away. He gracefully knelt down and placed a gentle hand upon the blondes head, searching for the problem while allowing his grace to pulse through the other.

"Ha-ha!" Lucifer exclaimed as he launched himself to his feet with a look of achievement on his face. "I knew you cared about me!" Lucifer shouted gleefully as if he had saved the dinosaurs from the meteor in an attempt to make his father proud.

If looks could kill then the glares the three other archangels sent his way would certainly send Lucifer flying into the abyss in an attempt to escape.

"Umm I mean...ouch?"

"Lucifer..." Michael growled with a drawn out sigh.


	7. Lucifer's terrible jokes

Lucifer: hey Michael

Michael: Le sigh...

Michael: what?

Lucifer: what's a cat's favourite colour?

Michael: ... (Internally dying)

Lucifer: purr...ple get it cause purr (laughing awkwardly)

Michael: (father have mercy)

///////////

Castiel: (watching a bee with dean)

Lucifer: hey cas

Castiel: (looks up at Lucifer expectantly)

Dean: (sighs within)

Lucifer: so one bee wanted a haircut and was asking the other bee what one he should get

Dean: (prays to Michael to come and save him)

Lucifer: so the other bee tells him to get a buzz cut

Castiel: I don't understand

Dean: (mentally slamming his head into a brick wall)

////////////

Lucifer: (standing in front of everyone) so only one side gets to go first and the right side gets picked.

Everyone: waiting for the punchline while face palming internally

Lucifer: so I say the left got left behind. Get it?

Everyone: (staring at him blankly while some force laughter)

Lucifer: (sighs) I thought they were good...

Gabriel: too good to be true. See what I did there.

Lucifer: (rolls eyes) mine were better

Gabriel: no mine was!

Lucifer: nuh ugh!

Gabriel: yuh huh!

Michael: father help us all


	8. Gabriel's mating call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be mistakes in this. I haven't checked it yet and probably won't for the next millenia that I spend napping.

An eery silence settled in the bunker, broken only by the mating call of the mighty Gabriel. The archangel was in his habitat, looking to tap some fine ass.

"Samalama!" He called loudly. The angel had signalled a potential mate. Now came the most important part of the ritual, the response.

/////////

Sam dragged his feet along the floor as he walked down the hall in a solemn acceptance. Gabriel, the annoying jerk that he is, had just started screeching his name through the walls. In an attempt to shut the archangel up dean had started pushing him towards gabriel.

Turns out he didn't have to walk for long. A wild gabriel appeared and used attack move 'wrap self around samalama'. Then things went down hill...or well you know down Sam's pants.

"Gabriel what are you doing!" Sam shuffled away but that didn't stop the archangel.

"Sammeh!" He yelled, catapulting himself onto the man.

//////////

Michael looked worriedly at the scene before turning to lucifer who had a devilish grin across his face. It was quite fitting for the devil.

"Should we help them?" Asked Michael.

"Absolutely not brother. Absolutely not,"

/////////

"Gabriel!" Sam yelled as he pushed the candy lovers hands away from his crotch.

"Come on sammy I know you want me," Gabriel said sultrily while waggling his eyebrows.

"I thought you Angels were all about consent," with that sam rolled over and pushed of the floor.

"Sammy..." Gabriel whined.

"It's sam," the moose said in annoyance.

"Your giving me blue balls,"

"Go join the club with cas and dean,"

Gabriel had to admit. The moose could be funny sometimes.

 


End file.
